Dear Ethan

Ethan (NBP)

I don’t quite know where to begin. I wonder if you noticed at the time, that something had changed between ‘mum and dad.’ I tried my hardest to make sure you were shielded from what was happening. You see grown ups make mistakes, no one is perfect. And sometimes, it is those mistakes that cannot be fixed.

I want you to know, that you are loved so very much. What happened between myself and your dad never changed that.

You were my soul focus, the reason, that stopped me from completely breaking apart. I was sad; hurting; aching and then you would wake up and you did it without knowing but you took that pain away every day.

I’m sorry I couldn’t forgive the mistakes that were made, I’m sorry I took you away from the routine you had, from the only life you’ve known. Most importantly I’m sorry I couldn’t fix our family. For me as your mum, to heal, rebuild and try to be happy again, it was the decision I had to make, for us both.

I know when you are older, you might have more questions about why we live in separate houses. You might have questions about the mistakes that were made, and I will try my best to answer them.

For now, I’m trying my hardest to make sure that you grow up happy, loved and secure. Its safe to say its been hard for both of us, to adjust, to adapt to our different life. We take one day at a time and I am constantly reminded of just how far we have come.

Love always, mum xx

Holding hands

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